Lately I've been rather sensitive to criticism... extremely sensitive.

Don't get me wrong. When it comes to things like artwork, I welcome constructive criticism where people point out some good things, areas that need some work of improvement and show me how to do it, then point out another good thing. When people use this method of criticism, it makes things less stressful, painful, and it may actually boost one's confidence and skill.

But when a person beocomes critical about everything from drawings to life, it becomes very stressful and draining for me. It's like some people like to force their opinions on me and expect me to change overnight. Then people start accusing me of things that aren't even true and they never give me a break. While I appreciate them trying to help, but i think it's the worst thing people can do to each other.

Constant criticism makes people feel as if no matter what you do, nothing is good enough for them. It discourages others, severely damaging one's self confidence and self esteem. It puts them in blocks and it could even make a person lose interest in something that was once special to them. It makes them feel belittled and underappreciated. Worst of all, it puts you through depression and anxiety, bringing on the fear of failure.

The sad thing is, many people fall into the path of criticism and they don't realize how destructive it could be, almost as a form of domnestic abuse. It has done great damage to me already and I'm doing the best I can to recover from it all and gain my interests back that I once lost. It's not easy, but it's managable. I'm also trying to learn to be myself and love myself again, even though life isn't so great at the moment.

Please don't let yourself fall into the criticsm trap it could not only hurt a person but it may end friendships as well. Be constructive!!! Being constructive can go a really long way. Remember that <3

Tags: writer's block
Current Mood: blah

I've been having problems lately with a friend of mine.

Let's just say you've known her for years. She was nice, easy to get along with, and easy to talk to about almost anything. We shared ideas and even worlds of art, and even got inspired by one another.

But then things change. In 2006 you seem to improve on your artwork and a person's attitude changes. Let's say you've done a piece of artwork and you see only one or two things wrong with it, she sees a hundred problems and critizes you for it. Then she begins to forbid you from rpging with her and combines worlds with her in any way, even saying that she hates your characters. If that wasn't enough, she's critical with every single step that you take in life, never letting you have any fun or a break, or think everything you do is stupid. Worst of all, she takes offense to everything you say. Then she accuses you of the most ridiculous things that aren't even true! No matter what you do, they're never happy with you.

How do you deal with this? It's cut my confidence in half over time and it almost killed my interest in art completely. I'm even afraid to talk with her, afraid that I might upset her. Friendships should be enjoyable and fun most of the time, loyal and honest to one another. Not stressful and draining. any advice?

So today I got a dream dictionary after paying for my groceries. It's called Dream Dictionary- an A to Z Guide to Understanding Your Unconscious Mind by Tony Crisp in hopes that I'd be able to crack open some dreams.

Especially the recurring dream about a shadowy male figure and his two children that are my own...

My friend Crazy Dragon was indeed right with a lot of my dreams- a lot of them revolved around anxiety. Some of my dreams can forewarn future events. Maybe eventually dreams can help me solve my problems, which is my last hope.

1. End-Of-World Dreams and fantasies Depicts the powerful and threatening inner and outer changes that accompany major life transitions and social changes. The transition from childhood to adolescence, for instant, is the end of the world that existed for the whole lifetime of the individual up until this point. Such points of transition occurr several times in life of anyone who dares to grow and adapt. Menopause for women, the leaving home of children, the loss of a job, retirement, loss of a partner or health, can all be represented by the end of the world or a world.

Notes: A few weeks ago I did have an end-of-world dream where the whole world went up in flames and everyone was in a panic. While it could be an actual prophecy of the book of Revelations in the bible, it could also be linked to what's been going on with my family. Aunt Jane and Uncle Jeff got a divorce. Aunt Gail and Uncle Dave are separated, maybe divorced as well. Grandma is dying. Bethany is in a halfway house for the mentally ill and she's on her way to recovery. There's indications that I could be moved out anytime soon. Plus I've been having friendship problems, mostly with Virago and another friend of mine. It's unfortunate, but it happens. But it won't last forever. It could also mean that I may head into a relationship soon with someone when i least expect it or maybe finally know what to do in life. The meaning behind this dream is indeed intriguing.


2. Lover: At a straightforward level, the dreamt-of lover is an expression of all the emotional longing and unexpressed sensual desires that we have. In injoyment or pain we feel in the dream, the lover is an enactment in the virtual reality of our dreams, of the perhaps secret desires we have, the unmet needs, the fears and pains we have in intimacy. As an archetypal image, it holds in it all the massive racial and cultural forces that attract and bind two people together- all the degrees and levels of maturity in love- and also all the attraction and difficulties we face in meeting our growth as a person toward wholeness. Because the image connects with all our personal and transpersonal experiences of love, it may well hold in the trauma of childhood abuse, which may work out in a series of dreams or fantasies regarding the lover. The lover is also a connection with life beyond the boundaries of personal self.

Note: This is one of my most common recurring dreams of a shadowy male figure that's 6 feet tall with a medium build that's always there for me, even though I can't see him. He helps me get through any situation and is always there to lend me a shoulder to cry on. He's also an excellent husband and a father to his children, which appear to be mine.
Maybe it is entirely possible that this man is a desire and emotional longing for unexpressed desires that I have, the unfulfilled aspects of life. I do have fear and I have dealt with so much pain during intimacy. And sadly, I was abused when I was younger, emotionally and ocassionally physically. I never liked to talk about abuse that often because it's something I just want to block out of my mind and forget for the rest of my life. I also want to forget that memory because I want to be a great mother in the future and not let history repeat itself.
However... this dream is reocuring. Is this an indication that I will have a real lover soon? I did state once before that I can sometimes see the future and events seem to happen 1-6 years later after a significant or a repeated dream.

Perhaps I'll never know.

Current Mood: sad