I hate my mood swings. Sometimes I would be perfectly okay. Neither sad or happy, but okay. Then an hour later I start thinking about my past and my parents and I end up in a really sour mood. Then another few hours pass again and I'm fine. Then for several hours, throughout the evening, I feel chronically empty.

Out of all the feelings I experience, I hate feeling empty the most. As if everything had left me and there's nothing more to live for. What's left to fight for? anything? I don't even know what road to take.

When will these horrible empty feelings leave me? When will this shit go away?

I want to feel normal again, whatever that is.

Current Mood: empty

http://edition.cnn.com/2008/US/05/04/teen.birth.ap/index.html?iref=mpstoryview Even though most of the United States and perhaps some other countries may frown upon teen pregnancies, this story made me smile. Even though she made the mistake of keeping the pregnancy a complete secret from the family out of fear she may get kicked out, she was smart enough to wrap the baby in a blanket after he was born at home and carry him to the hospital. It may be a happy beginning for them, especially when the girl's mother would help her take care of him so she can finish school. That girl's lucky.

I also watched the video of the new mother holding her infant and it made me smile. It shows me how much new parents can love their babies, even a teen girl even though babies comes with responsibility. And most teen pregnancies have such a bad rep, usually ending up in adoption, abortion, murder, or abortion.

Also, while watching that clip, I felt weird. A warm heavy feeling spreading across my entire body. An odd sensation, something that I get whenever I pray or communicate with god, especially for peace. Maybe it's an indication from God that true love and babies may come for me sooner than I think...

Current Mood: calm