1) Are you involved with anyone? No.

2) Would you take an ex back? Hell no.

3) Where do you wish you were right now? I wish I am somewhere away from this apartment just having fun...

4) What could you not go without during the day? A computer. I'm addicted.

5) Would you share a drink with a stranger? Absolutely not.

6) What are your plans for the weekend? None really. I need to get groceries though.

8) Would you rather be in a serious relationship or play the field? A serious relationship. Right now I just want to fall in love with someone who's supportive and would move me in the right direction while I'd do the same in return. Then maybe get married and have children.

9) How long ago did you hug someone? Tonight.

10) Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced? I just find it gross in general. Not to mention painful.

11) Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire? nope.

12) What does the last text message in your inbox say? I don't have a cell phone.

13) Need to get something off your chest? Yes. My bra and some venting. But I already did most of it in the depression community.

14) How do you feel about your life right now? Lost, confused and hopeless. I've been directionless for the past 7 years and I still don't know what to do with my life. I don't know what I could see myself doing for careers and I doubt that I'll ever have any kind of future. I'm not sure if I'll ever get to move out of this building either. I've been struggling my entire life and I feel like I've lost almost everything. I'm doing the best I can to remain sane. I'm sorry for being such an emo pain guys... things just aren't well right now.

15) How many times have you been pulled over by the police? None. I haven't been driving much and I never drove a car in the past four years at all- I've been taking the bus. I do have an advantage to this though- I have a completely clean license!

16) What characteristics do you despise the most? Depression, anxiety, mood swings, no confidence, no self esteem, low self worth, crass, shy, stubborn... I'm my own worst enemy.

17) Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to? Shoplifting... I was young and stupid at the age of 16 and my dad wouldn't give me an allowance at the time. After this whole ordeal, he realized that i needed stuff and finally gave me some.

20) Anyone upset you lately? My dad... for being the control freak that he is. David too for kicking Bethany out of the house just because she is mentally ill and needs his support. How dare he let that quack counselor of his tell him what to do? If she harms herself, it will be his own fault. Don't say I didn't warn him.

21) Last person you talked to on the phone? A business manager about a futon cover.

22) Do you think you're dumb? My best friend thinks I'm smart but I think I'm really stupid. Especially with acedemics. I just know i'll never pass college unless if i cheat and I'm too honest.

23) What could be done to make things better for you? I could have taken school a lot more seriously. Not only was i having problems understanding things, I also didn't do homework and avoided education like a plague. I only did homework when I absolutely had to and took the tests. I didn't care...because i couldn't figure anything out and no one would give me the proper help I needed. Not to mention, special ed classes destroyed my confidence. Self destructive really.

24) How's your heart? Under a lot of stress and broken.

25) Ever kiss someone with a name starting with a T? No.

27) Can you keep a secret? I am an entire encyclopedia of secrets. I don't gossip.

28) Are you happy with your living arrangement? hell no!!!! for the past 3 years, this depressing environment filled with elderly, insane freaks, and the disabled had burned me out severely, hacking away at my sense of self worth and self esteem. I've been begging for help with moving for such a long time that I was starting to annoy myself. At least I might have a slim chance soon.

29) Do you have trust issues? Yes. I don't trust no one. Not even my mom and dad. I want to, but someone is always out to hurt me in some way.

30) Is it easier to forgive or forget? forget. it takes a long time for me to forgive someone.

33) Have you ever been given roses? Maybe. I don't remember. It would be nice though.

34) Do you miss your ex? No, but I miss the fact I had someone to call a boyfriend, even if it wasn't for very long.

35) Have you ever been cheated on? many times. Maybe not by boyfriends but by others.

36) Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate? Maybe.

37) What's your current problem? Being severely stuck with life and not able to get out.

38) Have you ever had your heart broken? It still is broken as we speak.

39) Had a Long Distance Relationship? Yes, in switzerland when i was 20.

40) Do you believe in this saying: once a cheater always a cheater? yes and no.

41) Do you want to get married? It's one of my greatest dreams and desires. I don't think it will ever happen though.

43) Who was the last person you held hands with? My ex. that was 3 years ago.

44) Do you believe in love at first sight? No. It's something that builds up and it takes time.

45) Have you ever gone out with the same person more than once? Yeah

46) What was the first thing you thought this morning? Oh god, not another day. Please no.

47) Do you still like your exes? not really.

48) Do you know someone who likes you? I have no clue at the moment.

50) Do you like anyone? Not really but I dream and fantasize...

51) Do they know you like them? meh.

52) Have you kissed anyone on your top friends? no.

Current Mood: bored

What a crappy day to go grocery shopping. It was cold, gloomy, and rainy. Pitiful for may. But what do you expect in a state with only 3 seasons: Winter, spring, short summers? Oh well. Maybe next week will be better.

But other than that and exchanging the futon cover for a wider size, it's been a fairly uneventful day, even online. At least it gave me an opportunity to wash dishes, get rid of some rotten food in the fridge, and went through some stuff in the closet to take to good will.

I got so much stuff to get rid of it's not even funny. It's a good thing Mainview is having a rummage sale on the 17th- it gives me a slim opportunity to make money, if people actually come. I'll just price things from 1 dollar, 5 dollars, 10 dollars, and 20 at the highest. it would be the easiest for me to deal with when it comes to math. As for some bathroom stuff, I'm giving that to Bethany when she gets out of that halfway house and a few other things. It's stuff that I had outgrown- I've developed a classic taste to things, but it's fitting for people her age. If she doesn't care for that stuff then it's a trip to good will. at least she'll have some things to start out with. It's not easy starting out and she has to go through it at a younger age! I wonder how she'll be able to handle college if she's living on her own... maybe i could see opportunities if she does. I just feel so blocked and discouraged from everything honestly. mostly because of my living arrangement and social security income.

We'll just see how everything goes. in the meantime i'll just make dinner then go out for a walk now that the sun is shining.

Current Mood: blank

Everyone online is gone tonight. I mean everyone. Where is everyone? The silence is hurting me from the inside out. Everything just feels so dead to me lately. I don't want to draw. I don't want to do things anymore. I still can't think of ways to get out of this. More and more I feel myself fade away to nothing, feeling like I'm among the living dead.

How much longer will my life remain empty? I'm a pointless existence.

Current Mood: lonely